my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
