Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
