is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
