I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
high people should be assigned attendants
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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