just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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