I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
