$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Randomize
