Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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