i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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