I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
