I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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