i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
