Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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