eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it glows. i had to have it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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