READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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