fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
