im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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