My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
