Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
