I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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