im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
