I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
