After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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