dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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