he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
