I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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