Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
