Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
