Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
