DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
