True but thats because hes a fetus.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
