this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
