my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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