do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
