I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
