My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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