Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
