This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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