i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
