Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
