Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
