I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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