I think I won the penis lottery.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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