Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
