In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
