So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
