Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
