I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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