But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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