Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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