His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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