Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
