a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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