He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
