your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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