so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
