There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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